For everything, we’re told, there’s an app for that. Now thanks to mobile applets, that slogan is taking a literal twist and your world is about to get very ‘Black Mirror.’ A futuristic, darkly-humoured, over-privileged existence where things don’t so much happen at the touch of a button anymore, they just happen. Life automated, simulated and served up with a side of apathy. And just like Charlie Brooker’s masterpiece, it’s brilliant.
[Disclaimer: I work in marketing. I love coming up with ideas. I hate everything else. The less time I do ‘everything else’, the better. Auto-is my-mate.]
As the name suggests, the humble applet is the little runt of the app family. It lives a simple life. It does just one thing, flawlessly. While this is all old news to mobile app developers - thanks to the wonderful people at ifttt.com there’s now a mass market for even simpletons like me.
So What Does the Future Present Hold For Us, I Hear You Ask?
For starters, we’re going to need to rethink that famous slogan, and add in some extra punctuation stress - For absolutely everything, there’s an app for that. I do mean everything. I’m talking specifics here people - Ever woken up on a Friday morning, poured your muesli, opened your fridge and recoiled in horror when there’s no milk? Well, fear no more soldier, here’s the app just for that.
Is the sun so elusive in these parts that its mere presence throws a spanner into your head and you forget to wear shoes? Well if this stuff keeps you awake at night, believe it or not, this will help you sleep.And while you're sleeping, why not make some money? Hell yeah click here.
No matter what your kink is, there’s an app just for that. Feel the urge to self-flagellate for even thinking about a Big Mac & fries? How about a loud siren piercing into your ear every time you walk close enough to smell a McDonald’s front door? Brilliant.
Has the farcical Trump morphed politics so effortlessly into light entertainment that you just can’t miss another episode? Here you go, sorted. Or has the laughing stopped long ago and you’re now preparing for the worst? Activate this bad boy while you bombproof that bunker in the basement.
Some are a little more baffling. I’m not sure why I’d want to activate a real time rain notification? That’s what my eyes are for. Mind you all that blinking eventually takes its toll on the crow’s feet, so maybe I’ll get it - just for Sundays. Cut a long story short, follow my lead and go in there and activate them all. Cover every paranoia.
Need More Convincing?
Do you sometimes feel that wishing someone a happy birthday is a bit too much like hard work, then so be it, you're clearly not the only one, auto-it-mate. Think of how many seconds of your life you could reclaim if only you didn’t have to wish everyone you know a Happy New Year, sweet. I’m not even sure I need to keep breathing anymore; as long as my phone is powered up, my digital echo will live forever. It’s also dawning on me that maybe technology is throwing light on that old philosophical chestnut, “Why?”-
With everything else automated, I’m slowly turning into something of an applet myself. With every other whim, task and responsibility taken off my shoulders, I’m free to lead a simple life with a single purpose…come up with ideas - brilliant